I spend to much time on Facebook. I really do. I look at the pictures and the posts of all my friends and I get jealous. They all seem to have it so together. I’ve got a friend who is a single mother of seven, who always seems to have time to do everything with her kids, and go to school, and they always seem so freaking happy. I want to know how she does it. I’ve got friends who’ve taken different paths in life than me and I think about what might have been. And then my kids start fighting and I know that I wouldn’t change it for the world.
But I still wonder, how do they do they do it? I’m sure to a certain extent what is posted on Facebook is just a front, but still, it makes me feel as though I’m doing something wrong. I’ve only got two kids and I can’t manage to pull off what seems like most people can when they have six and half of them being still babies (religious hazard, a good number of my friends have quite a few kids).
I get stressed. I think about the fact that I’m having to take on a different second job, full time at night, to pay the bills. This on top of my day job, which pays crap, but I can’t afford to leave it for a different part time job, because at least the pay is consistent. I’m doing school, first summer session of graduate school. And can I tell you I’m stressed? I realized recently that there is an accreditation issues with my program, so it could potentially effect my ability to accept certain clients in the future (mainly federal, like military and VA). So now I’m wondering if I should do a different program at a different school.
Any my boyfriend is no help. I love him, but sometimes I don’t think he understands me at all. Maybe it’s my fault. Perhaps I’m not as articulate as I should be. I say something and he just doesn’t understand. I say I’m stressed about school and work and he says he is too, like my stress can’t be important or special because we all have stress, which is true.
But, in spite of all this stress (and the fact that I’m typing this at midnight because I can’t sleep, despite having to work in the morning), all I can think of is my kids and if I’m doing the right thing for them. We spend time together, we cuddle, we go to the park, we try to do “fun” things. I hope that I don’t mess them up for life with working and school constantly, but I have faith that they will turn out alright.