The last post for February is also about friendships.
I think what I admire most in my friends is the ability to listen, to keep a secret, and to just “be”. I don’t want to have to feel like I’m putting on a show when I’m around someone I’m supposed to be a friend with. I spend my professional life watching every word I saw, judging it for therapeutic value before it leaves my mouth. In my down time I don’t need that sort of stress. I want to be able to just let go and be me, without fear of judgment.
More on friendship.
My first “best friend”? That’s a tough one. I’ve always had more acquaintances than friends. But, there is one person, who when I was younger, was a friend to me. Someone that I would spend the night at her house, go with her family to the naval base to go swimming on dependent days (I was the “adopted” daughter because with my dirty blond hair and green eyes I looked nothing like my Filipino friend or her family). Lizza (pronounced like the conventionally spelled Lisa) was a year younger than me, but that didn’t stop us from becoming good friends. We had similar interests (we liked to sing and read) and we were both socially awkward. We lost touch for the longest time, only getting back in touch in the last few years via Facebook. We don’t have much in common any more. She never went to college (or if she did, never got more than an associates degree) and has had more babies that I can remember. She’s married to a guy that no one thought she would get married to, and lives in a different part of the country than I do. Our political views are different too, which has always struck me as off because we grew up in the same church, with similar believing parents. But, it happens. So we like each other’s photos, and occasionally post on each other’s walls. And at least I remember simpler times when we were still kids.
February continues with love and friendship.
I have a good number of peripheral friendships, friends that I touch bases with only on occasion. Ones that aren’t around very often, mainly due to being on the other side of the country. But I have to say that the friendship I value the most is that of my fiance. We have been together for almost seven years. It will be seven years at the end of April. We’ve been through a lot together. We moved across the country for school together, we got jobs in the same obscure county to be together. And in June we will be married.
February is the month of love. How fitting is it that the first question or the month is about love.
I do not know how either of my grandparent’s met. Not really. But I can share what I do know.
My dad’s parents met after World War II, they were both working in Washington DC, my grandmother worked in the war office. She was older than he was. They got divorced in the 70’s, when California made it easier to get a divorce. I don’t know if their relationship was happy. I know that my grandfather was an alcoholic, and that they lost two children when they were very young.
My mom’s parents, well, that’s a different story. My grandma has been married three times. And has outlived two of those three husbands. Her first husband died in a logging accident, leaving her with two small daughters at home. My grandfather, her second husband, was her first husbands best friend. They had four daughters together and he raised all six as though they were his own, and my grandma’s first husbands parents treated all o the girl as though they were their granddaughters, to the point that I knew my great-grandma as my great-grandma before I even knew that my grandma had a different husband than my grandpa. My grandpa died before my parents got married. He was in his 40’s and died of a heart attack. She’s been married to her third husband now since i was a little girl, probably close to 20 years. He’s been my grandpa almost longer than my dad’s dad who died when I was in high school.
This exercise makes me think that I need to find out, especially from my dad, how his parents met. I’m sure he knows. I’ve just never really asked.